I remembered the day I asked myself this question and I remember how hard I laughed. I laughed because I know I was a hot mess, a time bomb waiting for someone to be foolish enough to detonate it so we can both have problems together.
Before I was conscious and honest enough to tell myself this truth, I used to think I was the best thing since the invention of airplanes. I was truly on top of the world and will never believe I contribute to my own mess
Before reading this and coming to this realization I bet you have been seeing yourself as the GOAT (greatest of all time) you are without blemish and the reigning king/queen of the seven seas, I bet Daenerys has nothing on you and king Solomon was actually a joke compared to your wisdom. Who wouldn’t feel lucky dating you? damn, I thought the same too.
But before you blow your own trumpet let’s face the mirror and look at our reflection, I don’t mean the physical mirror neither do I mean the physical reflection. You want to look at your habit, your words, your action, and what you actually bring to the table that makes a relationship work
We humans have this habit of demanding what the other person can bring to the table without pushing that question down to ourselves.
You can’t know what the other person can offer you if you don’t know what you can offer yourself. You will never be able to recognize what is like to be given better if you haven’t given yourself better in life
A lot of people went through relationships that dragged them down and made them lose their peace because they were not able to identify what a healthy lifestyle feels like and shows like.
The world is like a mirror that reflects who we really are and not who we wish we are. You find yourself in a toxic scenario because you yourself still have a stain of toxicity in you.
Some people are drawn to drama because drama to them is their default character and no matter how they claim to say they are tired of dating the same kind of people they refuse to acknowledge that they are the ones making those choices even if they are doing it unconsciously. That is who they are and that is who they will always attract.
So back to the question would you date you? No need to answer that because you have been dating you since the day you had your first kiss and thought you were in love.
Now the question should be how do you like your own taste? And just like I found mine out, your taste sucks as well too, dating you suck like hell and if you were to be given a choice you would ask for someone different.
This reality you are trying to avoid is the same reality I tried to avoid till I got tired of lying to myself. You will never come to this realization until you are tired of lying to yourself.
Change comes from discomfort and discomfort comes from not living up to your potential. Discomfort is good and very healthy in a human’s life, they serve as a compass pointing you to an escape route.
You see one thing about life is, it is always trying to help you but it does so in a very harsh way. Mama nature is like my old granny, all she ever believed in is whooping ass to point you in the right direction, she’s old school and believed discipline teaches the lesson better.
That is how life shows itself to us, it disciplines us and expects us to pick the lesson but change has always been the hardest thing for us.
No matter how uncomfortable our life feels no matter how bizarre the result our choices bring to our life, people still don’t change and people still think their problem comes from the outside, just like I talked about often in my blog posts
We try to shift the blame from ourselves whenever all this while the problem and cause for our unhappiness is right there looking at our face every waking hour
Your relationships will never work because you never put in the work on yourself, you wouldn’t even date you and you probably hate your ex.
I’m sure you will drown him or her if given the chance to, but do you realize you might be drowning yourself instead if you would have done that. Your ex is a reflection of yourself, a reflection of your choices, and your decisions.
Until you look in the mirror and be ready to face whatever you find there and most especially make that decision to be better not for anyone but your own self, you will never have a relationship that works and comes with a healthy lifestyle. But when you devote time to this you find yourself getting better and attracting better into your life.
A secret I’m going to leave here in this is, when you have done the work and have laid the right foundation for yourself you will start realizing how not everything is good for you, you will learn to detect low quality in people from a mile away and keep your distance from them.
My name is Madu Samuel, a Self-development and relationship writer, advocate for education, and a free thinker. I write a weekly community newsletter on conquering doubt for a price of a coffee cup here