I remember scrolling through Twitter yesterday and saw a tweet that goes like “When you have lowered your expectations to prevent disappointment, receiving goodness can be frightening”. Immediately I read that tweet I asked myself why will people decide to lower their expectations.
Looking at it and going deep into it, lowering of expectation doesn’t necessarily equate our success to every proposal, that doesn’t mean we will always get the YES reply when we choose to ask for less.
Lowering of expectations is a thing, I wouldn’t tell myself because I don’t see it happening or can’t imagine myself not asking for the large cake doesn’t mean someone out there is not lowering their expectations once in a while or often.
The real talk here is people can really have what they want but people are really scared of what they want. It is just like that kid in college that likes this particular girl but afraid to open up to her and blame the crazy kid for taking his girl and treating her less than he can do.
The funniest and annoying aspect of this kid is, instead of stating his feeling and sweeping this girl off her feet he will rather lower his expectations and ask to be her best friends instead.
His lowering of expectation will keep him in the friendzone for life when he might have gotten the girl of his dream.
We might not have experienced this in college or back in school, we might even scuff at this kid but in other areas of life we are playing worse than this kid and going through the same sideline disappointment as this kid
I call it sideline disappointment because this disappointment isn’t on the surface level, the reason is that unlike not getting what we want we are close to what we want but will never get what we want.
That is the game of lowering of expectations, it gives you an illusion of possession but you are not possessing anything.
Just like the kid who wants to befriend the pretty girl, he tells himself I am finally in her life and if I do the right things I will end up dating her someday
The kid pretends he is close and according to his reality he is close indeed but he has missed the mark and it will forever remain difficult to attain his goal. The lowering of expectation to us doesn’t really come from the fear of rejection but the love of familiarity.
Humans will always choose familiarity and the known path. We don’t lower our expectation because we feel the other person won’t give us what we demand, we lower our expectations because we want to create a sense of familiarity between the giver and the asker.
We tell ourselves “oh they are familiar with giving this particular kind of money or helping this particular kind of way so we ought not to overstep that boundary unless we get our proposal turned down”. This is it, human hold on tight to familiarity, the unknown scare us and we avoid it in our everyday life.
There’s a saying that goes like this, ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and you shall find and these laws apply to everything in life. People pray and ask something from the universe with a mindset of lowering of expectation.
They talk to the universe/creator as if it’s a limited source as if it has to penny-pinch on blessings so it can go round. But whatever you ask for just know that is what will be given unto you, nothing less nothing more.
So what do you gain from lowering of expectation what do you gain from asking less when you can be given the full cake if you ask and ready to do the work that demands of it. Are you really scared of having what you prayed for or scared of the responsibility that comes with having more?
You should be clear on this and realize that lowering of expectation doesn’t bring what you want but gives you an illusion of having what you want or rather a hope of someday having that what you wish to have.
Dealing with lowering of expectation
You might be asking how can you fix this in you and start asking for what you deserve.
There are several problems to why people choose to lower their expectations, the main and the most important one which I talked about earlier, familiarity sits on top of the table but there are several influences we can look at and choose to find a solution to.
Let’s talk about the three most important, if we can find the solution to these three then others will fall in line.
Many of us have that narrative of humble beginning, humble is our moral compass something we are so proud to hang around our neck and show the entire public but humble can be draining, yes I said it.
People are really good at what they do but very bad at asking the right price for what they do. Looking closely humble started from our humble beginning
Growing up in an environment or family that encourages you to dim your light or don’t bite more than you can chew really makes you grow thinking biting more means removing your teeth and vomiting the best food.
The message we sometimes pass to our kids affects them in their adult age just like it is affecting you in your adult age. Instead to ask for things you deserve you play everything down, lowering your expectations. Recognize this in you and get out of it fast, sometimes it is okay to bite more.
People have never thrown themselves into the field before, I mean the field of life, where all plays are being recorded and scores counted.
They have never thrown themselves out to fail especially in public. That’s why when they find themselves wanting to demand something they crawl into the shadows of comfort. Comfort is all they know and it is an auto-response to their existence.
When thrown into the field they end up lowering their expectations and running towards comfort. If you are the comfort-seeking type then it is time to remove the cloth of comfort and face the challenges of life.
Don’t be scared of hearing NO, don’t be scared of getting turned down, ask for it anyway demand for it anyway, and if it doesn’t happen move on. Taking more challenges breaks this habit of comfort
Thirdly what is familiar to you isn’t familiar to the other person, the fact you are used to lowering your expectation doesn’t mean when you get out of your familiarity and ask for something outside the norm you will have your request turned down.
Many people business are stagnant today because of this, they tell themselves the situation of the country now is bad and not everyone can afford this price so I have to lower mine to be able to survive and have others patronize me but this simple interpret as lowering of expectations and kills your business faster than you can think of.
You come first before the situation of the country and you owe it to yourself to ask the right price. Your familiarity is not other people’s familiarity so be comfortable in asking for what you want.
This is where I end today’s article, I hope you had fun reading it and ready to implement this into your life. Remember this is an open discussion and your comment is expected.
You can check out my books, Why relationships fail (uncovering the truth and finding solution) here and 31 days of self-development (getting out of the victim mindset) here. A little investment into knowledge can be that great change you have waited all your life for